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Dilemma.
Friday, August 28, 2015 | 3:45 PM | 0Comment

Have you ever been in a dilemma? Well, I am now. And you don't want to be in a dilemma, I assure you. This is literally killing me! It's messing up with my body system. I can't sleep,I feel like getting angry all the time but at the same time I feel like crying like a baby. Maybe its just my hormone acting up,but it doesn't feels good. I even dream about! Can you see how much it's bothering me?

One moment I feel like going with the flow,accepting what has been given to me. Who knows if this is meant to be? Maybe God chose this path for me. Maybe this is the best for me. Maybe this is the person I'm supposed to be. Somehow, maybe I'm gonna be successful after all. I have no doubt that I will,but what if someday I'm gonna regret this? Not becoming what I really want to be. Not working hard enough to achieve my dreams when I know I can and I should. When I know I have the potential in me? There's advantages to accepting the fact but I just can't!  A part of me want to accept but another part just want to keep fighting!

This is when reality creeps in. They make you think of what's real,what you are really capable of doing, breaking and crushing your spirit until you are lost. You have no super power,you're not that rich (because money seems like fixing everything nowadays) but all you have was hope. And the Reality wants to take that away from you. Your Hope. This is when you need somebody is with you. Only a person is enough. A person that is there to tell that everything is okay even when it's not. A person that stay,even when you don't want them to stay. A person that doesn't make you feel like a loser and help you to stand up on your feet again. I wish I have that somebody. I really wish.

 Life,find me a way to live. Legs, should I let you wander? Heart, what do you want? Mind, stop messing with the Heart. Dear self, breath. 



Expectations.
Friday, August 14, 2015 | 12:30 AM | 0Comment

Human. I'm only human! So as a normal human being,I have expectations. I expect a lot. And I, HAVE HIGH EXPECTATION. Not only to others, but to myself too. For my whole life, I've expect very high in anything i do. You know what people say,

Aim for the moon so if you fall, you'll fall among the stars. 
Well I guess, it's very important to have target in everything you do. How to navigate your ship if there is no destinations? And if you're the type that "let the universe decide", what if you end up in a very,very bad place and there's no saving yourself? Would you change how things have been if you could turn back time? Even if  we put everything in God's hand, we still have to pray for it.

However,having expectation needs limitations. For example, in studies. You're not good in certain subjects but you studied hard for it and set  your own target. And you set up your target high, like really very high,when you know your own ability; which is most probably not being able to reach your target, you'll end up really,very very devastated. Having a dream is not wrong,but it either makes you the happiest person on earth or the saddest person on earth. Knowing your on ability is a blessing.

Now, do you know how does it feels when your expectations fails you? It's like the world end, the same feeling when you lost your first and true love. When all you want to do is being alone,curling up in your bed, hiding behind the comforter. Something that you hope on so much will never ever come true. Having hopes and expecting is like a suicide mission. You may not die physically,but mentally.

As for me, I think what kills the most is when you expect too much from a person. When they does not turn out to be the person you expect. It hurts so much thinking all the things you have and would have done for them but they just won't do the same. It is not that you're not sincere, but we always expect people to be good to us when we're good to them. And the worst part it, if they were mean to you, you will remember how it feels,what did they said ; especially if you are a girl. So people, all that I can share is

Expect, but with Limitations.